This post is going to be random thoughts about my week.
I went for a regular mammogram this week. Obviously, nothing I was looking forward to. I got a phone call that it was a little blurry because I had probably breathed and they needed me to come take it again. No big deal but kinda a pain. Then I opened my mail and found a form letter saying that they had found something in my mammogram and that my results had been sent to my primary care physician. What?!? No one had told me that they had found something. So then began the what if’s.
What if I have cancer?
What if I have to give up my church because I am so sick?
What if I die and don’t get to see my daughter marry or my son become a father?
What would I want to do before I die? I realized that the idea of dying didn’t scare me at all. The whole thing made me mad. Mad I hadn’t traveled to the far away places that I had always dreamed of visiting. Mad that I had been working instead of living.
Then I realized that I am too tired to maintain being mad. I love life too much to waste it being mad about something I can’t really control. And then this morning, I went to take another test and it came back negative. No cancer, no treatments, and no problem. “We will see you next year,” they said.
So how will I live differently this year I wonder.
by 
